Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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