I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
