My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
