Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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