i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
