I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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