those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
