i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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