I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
