I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
