Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
