Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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