so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
