i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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