I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
