I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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