I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Randomize
