Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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