Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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