I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
