You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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