those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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