Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
