im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
