i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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