dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
