it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
