I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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