I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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