Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
