If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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