I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
