Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
