I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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