Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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