2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
