To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
