btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
