I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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