i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
