i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
