Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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