he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
