He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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