On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
