So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
