New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
