I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I FOUND THE LEGS
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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