Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
