Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The air was thick with penises
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
