i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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